Everything hurts a lot when no one seems to understand you. You try to tell yourself that you’re just misunderstood but you know that there is more to that case.You yourself find everything to be normal,but everyone else doesn't think it it. Why? I don’t particularly understand that. Especially, when it’s the people you love the most. You’re family. You’re friends. They should support you, but instead they punish you for being who you are and they tell you horrible things when you did nothing at all. Being a teenager has nothing to do with the situation, but they’ll use it against you if they think that you’re rebelling which is awfully horrible! I don’t understand why being in the age range of eleven and twenty one makes you a rebel when you do something against what your parents believe.You are born as one person, you are not born connected to your mother or father, no you are simply born. you understand nothing of the world when you are born and with that in their minds, your parents begin to mold you into what they want to be proud of. They mold you into a miniature version of themselves. Anything to satisfy them!
Parents fear the day that their child starts to think for himself.They weep nonexistent tears that slowly but surely make way into the child’s heart, because most children do love their parents. They may not agree with everything they say, but they don’t want anything serious to happen to their parents. No, that’s a tragedy! Many people depend on their parents for guidance. I do. I know I do. I depend on my mother so much, but she’s not so much pushing me away, she’s just making it a strong point in showing me that the way I want to do things is not the way to go about things.
The feeling you get when someone tells you that what you do isn’t right can either be satisfaction or disappointment. You ask yourself, “Why satisfaction? How could being told what you do is wrong satisfy you?” Well, there are many ways it can be satisfying. One reason over all of them I believe, is knowing that someone is looking out for you. You feel very safe knowing someone is there to catch you when you fall. It feels great even knowing that if you hurt yourself someone is there to tell you that you did something wrong but as long as you get back up you can do it their way with much success. Another reason for satisfaction is knowing that you’re getting advice from someone who already went through much of their short life span. I say short because life seems long, but really it is not. Time is just another illusion for the rest of us to feel much better about wasting it. We waste waste waste, that is a big problem with humans, but should I not save that for another time? We shall see. The feeling of disappointment comes present when you feel like everyone is bashing you with horrible words. They’re so horrid, so bitter, so strong that you simply want to go somewhere--anywhere--and just do anything until all the disappointment is gone.
All the disappointment needs to drain away like a bathtub filled to the rim with grime and dirt. The grime is the pain and the drain is you releasing your feelings. The bathtub, well, that’s you! YOUR HEART!!! How could I tell you something to help yourself, when I can’t even help myself? I don’t even know anymore. I type and I type and i type and why? For nothing! I do it to release every last drop of sadness. Every last drop of pain. Every last drop of anxiety. Every last drop of every last feeling. You don’t always have to feel sad to get rid of any feeling. You can be like the happiest person alive and still feel great need to let out your feelings, because emotion is a strong thing. Either to be shared, to be dealt with, or to be kept inside.
I’d like to think that parents should understand what you’re going through when they once themselves were foolish teenagers--or maybe not (I would like to meet my parents as teenagers, but it might ruin my image of them being strict and stern)--and should know exactly what to tell you. They should know every right word as if it were a video game that they’d played for the hundredth time. They’d be getting the high score if they made your life way better than theirs ever was!
That is my goal. My goal is to prove my parents wrong. To prove that I am much better than they will ever like to admit. I’m sure they adore me! Yes, they do! But sometimes when I’m feeling down and the whole world is like something else, I just want to prove them wrong. No one but my best friend supports me. She tells me that I can do things unlike other people. She’s the only one who supports my longtime singing career. I know I’m horrible (or at least in my opinion. I know I’m average but I have to tell myself I’m horrible until the day that I reach the point that I’m so good that I know I can achieve beautiful things) at singing, but she still supports me. She tells me the truth about everything. She is so very candid and I love having that in a friend. I don’t have any other friends but her. At least not friends that are like her. I have other friends, but they just don’t quite compare to the likes of her. She is something to behold. Something else. Something that I need in my life and without her it would be me against the world. Now it’s us against the world and I really dig that.
I am a lot of strange and far from normal. Everyone can see that so I don’t care too much about what anyone else thinks of me. I want to be myself forever. I have to be or else I’d contradict everything I stand for! I want to be famous one day so that I can show everybody that it’s not impossible and the people who are belittled by the rest of the world have great things ahead of them. One day I know I can do something great for the world and when that day comes I will be extremely happy.
What is this? Is this a diary? A journal? I don’t quite understand. Do I post this on my blog? Because surely I could show this to everyone and no one would know who I am. I love anonymity, but sometimes you just want everyone in the world to know who you are.That’s me. I want the world to know who I am, not to be in the limelight but because I really like people. No matter how shy I am, I will always have a yearning desire to be around people, which is why I really want to be a psychologist. The analysis of humans is so intriguing. I find everybody intriguing. If I, for just a day, could see how it was to be someone I was interested in. It would be like heaven wrapped in a present. I love seeing how people are different when no one is around. I love seeing how they change when everyone is around. I love seeing how they are with their family. All those things are factors that make them different from someone else and for that reason I love to be around people silently observing them as they silently observe me. Everyone observes. Everyone truly does. If you do not observe, not even yourself, I would fear something was wrong with you. Who doesn’t like to observe others? We are all interested in one another. At least, I believe so. The interest runs very deep down in our subconscious. It is something that we are not aware of all the time. We are aware when we are interested, but are we really always aware. No, I don’t think so.
I find it insane that I started off by talking about how parents misunderstand you to how my friend is the only one who supports me (in my opinion) and then last of all to how I love being around people even though I’m a misanthrope (quite the paradox, no?).
As I type this at the library I stare longingly into the computer and wonder if I will ever write down my feelings like this ever again even though I know that I write down my feelings like this all the time.
Another thought in the life of: Lovely Fortune.
