I Mean Isn't This Just Common Courtesy...
We should all come with handbooks when we date someone. Like a job application. Hey, here's my resume. This is what I'm good at, this is what I can contribute to our relationship, here are my recommendations from people who find me absolutely charming, this is why I broke up or got dumped for in my last relationship, and do you think I would be a good fit for your company or not?
So I don't necessarily look at relationships like that and maybe I do. To be honest, I imagine my whole life with a certain person and all the complications that could happen if we ever dated or something like that. Luckily, I am date free and have never had to endure messing up my life or anything. I would just hate to have my first kiss taken away by someone not worthy. I would hate my first boyfriend (and only boyfriend, see I'm very old-fashioned) to break my heart. I mean any romantic first would suck if it was someone you couldn't believe you were with right?! I might experience heartbreak a lot and that's because I make it really apparent that I like you, but I think there's something really wrong with me. If someone were to reciprocate the feelings, I'd most likely act like we aren't dating. And this isn't to be an asshole or anything, I'm just scared of committing my life to someone who might not be there with me forever.
Anyway, I thought this would be really good to write so that one day if anyone ever thinks of falling in love with me they can refer to this and they can see whether or not they want to deal with me.
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First thing's first, I'm weird.
Pros: Well, it's inevitable that I'm going to want to date someone who's weird, too, so I mean if that happens we'll totally understand each other and do weird things together (like possibly pretending to not have seen each other in a long time and running in slow motion to each other on the beach???). BUT, if you're normal, then this is still a fairly good pro for you. You can have something interesting in your normal life.
Cons: Here's the bad part about being weird. Imagine introducing me to people and then I act like this extremely weird person, and I try not to upon meeting people, but it's not like I can hide that forever, so then what? You probably don't want people to talk bad about your girlfriend or make fun of you, so it's best to back out now before you're stuck with me.
I have social anxiety.
Cons: Obviously a con with no pros. You're not going to want your girlfriend to be this shy, right? It again has to do with meeting your friends/family. My social anxiety will cause me to not say anything and then you explaining and then me getting embarrassed and then me contemplating my life for hours. Also, I don't think not being able to ask people for things is attractive and if it is, wow.
Oh, but even though I have social anxiety, I'm really outgoing!
Pros: Are you saying what the hell now? Are you? Yeah, I know, very contradictory. Umm, well to explain better, once I get comfortable with people I'm usually not afraid to say anything that's on my mind or express myself. I will probably laugh at your jokes louder than I did when I was shy and I will probably tell you all about my day even if you don't care! But then that brings me to my next con!
Do I talk to much??? Do I talk about stuff I shouldn't talk about?
Cons: Well, I don't think you want to hear someone talking forever and ever whenever she feels like it. That's probably so annoying. Like, I bet it's shoot-yourself worthy. I don't want anyone to shoot themselves, so if you're going to shoot yourself, don't date me. In addition to talking to much, I think I talk about things I shouldn't talk about like making jokes about sex or something else that people don't necessarily expect from me. I'm this very quiet girl and the moment someone asks me something and I have something witty to reply or I think something bad I'm going to say it. There's definitely no filter in my brain unless I'm really trying to make the impression that I'm good. If you don't like girls who randomly say something they shouldn't say or randomly talk about nonsense then I am not the girl for you.
Pros: Yes, there's definitely pros to this one! Well, if I talk a lot maybe you'll find me engaging! And if you like people who say random things at the wrong time, like maybe saying to a little kid that they should go suck a dick and I'm not that mean (except I am and I actually said that to a little kid, because I'm an asshole), but you get the idea. Of course, you're probably wondering, "But what about your social anxiety?!?! Doesn't that stop you from talking." Oh, sure, definitely. In the beginning yes, but like I said, it's the comfort. If I feel comfortable talking to you then I will probably talk, if not then here's the next con...
Do I not talk enough???
Cons: I definitely don't talk enough at the beginning and even after I've gotten comfortable with you, it sometimes might not change the amount I talk to you. I could feel so comfortable with you that talking becomes this thing that we could or could not do. I don't think people really want to talk to people who don't talk at all. If you say something funny I won't laugh, I'll just smile and say "lol" or something along those lines. If you ask me something and I don't know the answer, I'll just shrug. And this is partly because I don't want to come across as saying something stupid like replying, "Yeah" to something super long and heartfelt. I just don't know how to tell you what I'm trying to say. I think that's pretty bad though.
Pros: What, there's pros to this? Yes, there is! If you like talking a lot and just having someone listen, I can be the one who listens. I'm such a great listener and this is all due to me not talking. I just sit there and listen to other people talk and after a while I know it becomes really soothing. So if you need someone to pour your feelings onto, I'm that girl!
I'm probably super expensive...
Pros: Are there really any pros to this? I think it might be a pro if you want to brag about how much you love me because you buy me all this neat stuff, but it's more of a con than a pro.
Cons: Haha, so I've never had a boyfriend so I wouldn't know what the expenses are for a girlfriend. I feel like guys have a budget on their girlfriends, right? And I totally understand, you have to take care of yourself, too! I have expensive taste though. I'm pretty much lower-middle-class, but I act like a poor person when I really don't have to. I pretty much hate that I can't buy all these clothes from brand names and that's not always sucky. I like buying my clothes from like Target and Ross or whatever is in the clearance section of those brand name stores. I'm used to it, but that doesn't mean I don't think of owning the clothes from other places or buying those limited time only Vans. I have always had this high hope that my boyfriend would buy me anything, but I know that's not true and it's a pretty stupid hope, because like I said I totally understand that you need to take care of yourself first. So if you don't want to deal with me saying, "I wish I had that" and feeling guilty or annoyed or some other bad emotion, then do not date me.
I'm probably not super expensive...
Pros: So I just said I was super expensive up there and now I'm saying I'm not. Well, like I said I'm used to buying my not expensive clothes, so it's totally okay. My mom said that guys should buy you things that are expensive, because it shows how much they love you and they want to be with you. And I guess I get it, no guy is going to spend so much money on someone they don't really like, right? But I'm naive about love and how it works. I expect it to be a very nice time, where we hardly spend money on each other. Yes, yes, "Money can't buy me love" and I mean sure at times that true, but not always, so if I ever did want something from you, it probably wouldn't be expensive. I'd feel so bad to make you buy something if you didn't have the money for it. Or I'm just stupid. It could quite possibly be that I'm stupid and I'm looking at relationships from a totally bad angle in my warped up world.
Cons: There is a con. I think some guys do like buying stuff for their girlfriends and they do want her to ask them for things. I have no idea. I don't want to seem like an expensive person, but then there's that factor too, right? Well, you know what, I think you'd have to take it upon your hands whether you'd rather take the chance of dating me and spending money or dating me and barely spending any. I've never dated anyone, so I wouldn't know if I would ask for things or not. It's so weird. I'd feel like I was using you or something..
I'll probably annoy you...
Cons: Well, I don't know see there's this thing I like to do where if someone compliments something I'll tell the person that they're the same compliment. For example, "Hey, you look cute in that." I would reply, "Not as cute as you!" Wouldn't you get irritated?!
Pros: I think some people like to be teased like that, so it's sometimes okay.
We probably won't ever go on dates
Pros: Less money for you to spend and more time for yourself. You can always call me or text me. I'm always available on those kinds of things.
Cons: I'm sure if you liked me you'd want to spend time with me physically, but it's nearly impossible because I'm more concerned about other things than about guys. Trust me, I think about guys a lot, but when it comes to them in real life in front of me, you're basically on the bottom of my priorities and I don't think people can deal with that.
If we do go on dates, I won't call them dates.
Pros: This is good for someone who doesn't want to be as committed either. I'm not saying you can go cheat on me, but I'm not saying that you can consider me your girlfriend, you could just consider me as the person you are hanging out with and it wouldn't make a difference.
Cons: Well, wouldn't you just hate to say, "I want to take you somewhere" and after we have our nice time out I say, "Nice hanging out with you." I feel like that would break someone's heart.
I'll probably make fun of myself all the time.
Pros: This means you don't have to worry about me getting butt hurt for something silly you say like other girls. I mean I think that's a pretty good reason to date someone.
Cons: I don't see any cons other than the fact that maybe guys don't find it attractive when a girl puts herself down. I mean everything is a joke to me, so that could be bad, too. Which brings me to my next point.
I will never take you or anything seriously.
Pros: So I'm chill and we can always joke without worrying about anything. You don't have to worry about me freaking out about things very often and you don't have to worry about doing something seriously dumb, because I'll just kind of talk to you about it, but I won't get mad at you or anything like that.
Cons: Well, if I don't take things seriously, how will we ever be able to live a good life. "Oh, you just made the worst decision of your life. That's nice!" Pretty much me and that could totally hurt us, so it's in your best interest not to date me if you want someone serious.
I live in a fantasy world.
Cons: If this wasn't obvious when you read the first paragraph where I said I only want one boyfriend for the rest of my life, then I don't know what you're thinking. I know that's totally impossible nowadays, but you know what, I want it to happen. Even my brother called me super naive, because of that. Sure, it may be, but it doesn't matter to me. I expect this perfect life where we never fight and we never have to deal with problems and that we're always happy and never get our feelings hurt. I mean that's so hard to find, yet I want it and I don't think that's very healthy. Other than relationships, I live in this world where I can see the beauty in everything and that's not always good.
Pros: Hey, I'll always be happy, you don't have to worry about me getting too sad or too mad, the worst I'll get is disappointed. I mean sounds pretty good to me.
I love going out to do things!
Pros: This is totally a pro and the only way this could ever be a con is if you don't want to go out and do things. Why is this a pro? I mean we're doing things together, duh! And I know I said we probably won't go on dates, but that's because I'm usually busy. When I'm not though, we can do something! Something awesome or something lame, I'm fine with it as long as I'm with you! <3
I'm smart.
Pros: If this isn't a pro, then I don't know what is? If you need help with stuff I'm always there for you. Not to mention if we have kids (although I don't want any) then the kid will most likely be smart, because education matters to me and I must teach this kid stuff before they go to school, like my mom.
Cons: I am not the girl for you if you want to have a dumb, pretty girl.
I'm dumb.
Pros: I absolutely love these contradictory statements. Not dumb necessarily, but I do dumb things or when I barely get something, such as a joke, I go "ooooooh" like I'm stupid or something.
I can't cook/clean/do laundry/basically anything that is a house chore
Pros: Well, we can hire a maid...We'll be rich enough won't we?
Cons: This is absolutely a con. I mean I can't cook, so there's no way you're ever getting food from me (and if you think that's cute, I'm sorry). I can't clean or do laundry, because I don't want to bother with doing shit like that, so what are we supposed to do about that. I mean I can organize, but dusting and brooming, ugh. Laundry...ugh. I can drop detergent in the washer, is that enough? So pretty much any house chore is off of my criteria and I cannot help with that. =/ Bad wife material lol.
I want your T-shirts and hoodies!
Pros: Guys think that's cute! I mean to me that's adorable when a girl takes her boyfriends T-shirts and hoodies from him and wears them as pajamas. I might wear it in public if it fits me. I like loose clothing though, so it will definitely fit me as long as your not size large or above. Medium and under, I've got you covered. I will wear your T-shirts and hoodies whenever you want me too, because I love you.
Cons: Sorry, if I take your favorite one. ='(
I basically only wear T-shirts.
Pros: T-shirts are easy to take off. Jk, don't do that.
Cons: If you wanted a girl who likes to dress up, sorry??? I do like dressing up, but I mean in my daily life...T-shirts are my thing, so...I try buying as many as I can. I think I've got about 25 right now and they're all I ever wear, so...yeah.
We won't have our first kiss until maybe two years later. I probably won't even hold your hand or hug you.
Pros: If you don't like physical contact then this is definitely a pro.
Cons: This is probably a major con. I mean first kiss might be a bit understandable, but not holding hands and hugging I must sound crazy. I have big anxiety about that kind of stuff. I fear that my palms are sweaty (or that yours are) or that if we hold hands it'll be awkward. If we hug I might feel like I'm suffocating. If we kiss, I just hate to think of the idea of swapping spit.
I will possibly say things like, "That guy is cute" in front of you.
Pros: You can say, "That girl is cute" in front of me.
Cons: I don't think any guy wants to hear their girlfriend say another guy is cute. That's common logic.
I will probably tell you that I love you a lot
Pros: We all want to be loved. I will make you feel loved.
Cons: But don't think anything of it, because I always tell people I love them.
I will tell you constantly that "You hate me."
Pros: I don't think there are any pros to this unless you find it cute, which I don't think people do.
Cons: I mean obvious con, you're going to think you're doing something wrong and that's why I'm saying that. It's probably annoying, too.
I will always be interested in what you are saying.
Pros: There is definitely no con to this one, but yeah, if you sound really interested in what you're saying then I'll be really interested in what you're saying, too.
I love movies.
Pros: We get to watch movies!
Cons: Do we like the same movies?
If my best friend is with us, you're the third wheel, not her.
Cons: Umm, definite con, but sorry, chicks before dicks.
I will not share my food with you.
Pros: You don't have to share your food with me either. If I do share my food with you then you know it's love!
Cons: Sorry, if you really like Red Vines or want a sip of my Coke, but I'm not giving it to you.
I don't want kids.
Pros: We don't have to deal with more problems, we'll spend less money, and we're helping the world!
Cons: Did you want to have a kid? I'm sorry. =(
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And there's a lot of other things I could say, but I can't really think of any right now. Thanks for reading.
