My Crush 2.2.15

And So I Am Not Even Sure Anymore...

About my "love" for this boy. I think that I do not like him anymore and that the infatuation has run out. Infatuation is a strange thing, yes, indeed it is. Liking this boy has taught me something though. It's taught me that even though someone doesn't share the same feelings as you and doesn't return them back, doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. I thought a little, that something was wrong with me and maybe I shouldn't have been so weird--WHAT AM I SAYING?! OF COURSE I SHOULD HAVE BEEN WEIRD!!! If a guy can't accept you for who you are then screw them, you deserve someone who will love everything about you, not someone who just deals with it. That's not fair to you.

My curiosity doesn't even come when I see him and my eyes don't widen like they used to. In fact, I'm trying to act as though he never existed. It's a shame, there don't seem to be any other intriguing guys in my school.

I think and this might sound crazy, but I think I'm fine living my life as a single girl. For the rest of my life, no relationships, just my friends. It sounds kind of sad actually. I really want to cry, because I don't think anyone will ever love me since I'm so damn weird and I can't even act like a normal girl for once in my life. Oh, gosh, why am I crying about it. That doesn't make the least bit sense, I'm perfectly fine.

"If You Love Somebody, Let Them Go, for if They Return, They Were Always Yours. And If They Don't, They Never Were."

-Khalil Gibran

I did let him go for a month, and he never seemed to react...which means we aren't meant to be. Also, it's kind of funny, but this would have been my fourth month liking him, which would have made it "love". Love, such a nice idea, but not very nice when you end up getting it.

"Originality is independence, not rebellion; it is sincerity, not antagonism."

-George Henry Lewes

I am not as horrible as people make me seem. Because I am different, people think I am weird, but I think that being different is a great thing and it's not like I'm doing it to be noticed. No one notices me (mainly, because I am weird and the weird ones are the ones you notice silently not out loud or not at all) and that's okay. What isn't okay, is when people make me seem like I'm a bad person or think it's okay to make fun of me. At least I'm not a copy of everyone else.

All in all, I've learned that the person I'm going to let love me for the rest of their life is going to have to love all of me not just some of me, but every last quirk and flaw. The person I love will of course get the same in return. I hope I meet someone like that.